SkyMall Slam Dunks

Ahh Skymall, the always companion of travelers. Admit it, you read it on every flight. But I know you all are busy people. Sometimes you just don’t have time on that 20 hour flight to carefully peruse every SkyMall offering. So, in the spirit of the Holidays, I’ve taken it upon myself to find and review the highlights. If you don’t have any travel planned, no worries - these are all available for order online. You can thank me by getting me one of those replica Lord of the Ring’s hobbit feet.Face Gator – $14.99

Stop Germs with Style
Lucky you, the Face Gator is on special this week. The great thing about the Face Gator is that its not immediately clear what it’s purpose is. Are you covering up because you’re cold? Are you robbing a bank? Are you recovering from some kind of facial surgery? No one has to know, its your secret. (Those sweet blue and green glasses were not part of the face gator, apparently that was a style choice)
 
But in fact, the Face Gator is actually designed to protect the wearer from germs – and to protect the outside world from their germs. But maybe you are concerned that you won’t look enough like a Ninja while combating seasonal germs? Don’t’ worry, the Face Gator comes in Black as well as the classic Khaki.
I have a black belt in germs
I’m sure right now you’re thinking: But wait, germ prevention through mouth barriers is nothing new! Doctors have been wearing surgical masks for years. They are practically mandatory in Japan! Why should I shuck out $14.99 for this mask? (Down from the usual price of $19.99)
 
 
Japan
I’m glad you asked. The Face Gator has what your everyday germ repellant face mask doesn’t. STYLE. In fact, there motto is “Stop Germs with Style.” So they know they’ve got that going on. You know they’ve got it going on. So what are you waiting for?
 
You probably also have the same last question I did. What will I do with this Face Gator when I’m in business meetings and the like. Sure, it will be fine to sit quietly in the back, wearing my black Face Gator and muttering “soon’ under my breath, but what do I do if I need to give the presentation? Face Gator has got you business people covered. According to their description:
 
The Face Gator is designed to be worn discreetly around your neck and pulled up over your nose and mouth when you need added protection from germs or are sick and want to keep your germs away from others.
 
You heard them, worn discreetly. Have you ever seen something more discreet than this?
 
Discreet and Business Casual
 
Bacon Rug -$29.99
“Sizzle”
I know what you’re thinking – “Another food themed rug? How many can one studio apartment possibly need?” And the answer is, one more. Because this isn’t just any food themed rug, its bacon. And as any good marketer knows, anything and everything is better with bacon. People find bacon so hilarious and awesome that they will buy anything that even sort of resembles bacon. I bet if I wrote one article about bacon a week, I would get at least twice as many readers. (On an unrelated note, look for my new segment: Bacon and Travel)
At least its clear that the designers of this rug didn’t feel the need to take the whole ”look like bacon” too literal. The way if any of your vegetarian or your “anti-food rug” friends come over you can pass if off as really awkward river of blood themed rug. On second thought I’m not sure your vegetarian friends will like that….
 
Toilet Dog and Cat Bowl – $39.99
 
Don’t look at my shame
If you’re anything like me, you probably worry from time to time that your dog is getting too cocky. (I don’t have a dog, but I am sure if I did I would have that concern). Well, fear not - SkyMall has the perfect way to cut that spoiled pooch down to size. Enter: The Toilet Water Bowl.
 
Even the dog model they used had the forethought to look humiliated as he drank from that toilet shaped water bowl. That’s a dog that knows it’s place. That’s a dog who is thinking “If my master loved me, they would have bought me the ‘Napa Luxury Bowls’. Look how smug stupid Ralph looks with his fancy luxury bowls. Stupid Ralph.”
 
Shut up Ralph
As, the SkyMall ad clearly states, not only will this serve your pet, it will also “cleverly decorate” (their words not mine) your house – it’s dual purpose! Pet Humiliation and Decorative Item. In fact, we should just call it ”Number 2″ because of these two equally true purposes. You know your dog will love their Number 2. All dogs love Number 2.
 
If you’re worried that this product can’t be used for cats, that maybe your cat won’t be thoroughly embarrassed by this product – worry no more. SkyMall has provided a helpful picture of the EXACT SAME PRODUCT only this time being used by a self- hating cat. So rest easy, that cat is dying on the inside.
They had to photoshop that Cat in… no real cat would go near this thing
So this Christmas, give your dog (or cat) the choice of a lifetime – dying of thirst or eternal mocking at the local dog park.
 
 
(All Photos courtesy of SkyMall)
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2 Responses to SkyMall Slam Dunks

  1. Michelle Cusolito says:

    HA HA! You forgot the disco shower head. Not kidding. Just saw it this weekend.

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